6 Days Down, All of Them to Go

Day six, sugar free. I almost caved today, 17 times, but I didn't, and I feel pretty proud of myself.

I went over to my parent's house to walk the dogs and hang out with my kid brother--it is fair to say that he is obsessed with me, which is totally endearing, and inspiring, because I fully feel like it's my responsibility to live a long, healthy life so I can be there for him when our parents are gone (...morbid...). That's a heckuva good motivator to lose this weight, though.

So I get over there, and in a moment of rare pre-teen kindness, he went in the kitchen to get himself a snack, and brought me one, as well, without me even asking. He delivered to me a giant pretzel, coated in white chocolate, with a swirly red and green icing pattern. Chocolate-covered pretzels are literally only my favorite snack in existence, a perfect marriage of sweet and savory. The synapses in my brain were firing so hard in the presence of chocolate that I put my hand out for it for a split second before I pulled my hand back like that pretzel was red-hot, and could only shake my head 'no'; I literally couldn't make the words, 'no thanks' come out of my mouth at that moment. He actually looked surprised. I certainly was. All I know is that if I had held it, I would have eaten it. And then licked the remaining sugar crumbs off of my sweaty palm. Sugar addiction is some serious shit, y'all.

Later, when I had to run out to get some packing tape (another exciting Saturday night for me!), the Xmas candy on sale at Walgreens was literally singing to me. I had to just avert my eyes and make fists in my jacket pockets. Again, if I had so much as touched the shiny, red packaging, I would have purchased it, and sat in my car in the parking lot, scarfing down those bizarre red Peeps, hardly breathing as I did so. I walked out of Walgreens with only my intended purchase, and so feeling victorious, I thought I should reward myself with a sugar-free treat.

I headed down the street to Lowes Foods, where I remembered there were diabetic cookies hiding amongst the Pecan Sandies and the E.L. Fudge Factory offerings. The peanut butter cremes sounded good to me, until I read the ingredients and saw the bold print at the bottom of the list that said: Excess consumption may have a laxative effect. Not only do I not like the notion of getting the shits from eating some cookies, I realized then that, even in light of that warning in bold, I would likely take that box of peanut butter cremes home, and engage in excess consumption. It was a harsh realization to have in the grocery store, at 10:30 on a Saturday night, that I can't trust myself to eat a single serving.

I don't know why I can't just eat a single serving of cookies. It's truly a mystery to me. And so I have to avoid them, entirely. Probably forever.

I put the cookies back on the shelf, and I left, instead, with a sleeve of Skinny Cow sugar-free ice cream sandwiches. The packaging is clear, and I figured that, if nothing else, knowing that my mom would see that I had eaten three instead of one (in a sitting) would be a good deterrent. It was. I ate one, she ate one, they were surprisingly good, and I won't even look at them until three days from now, when I simply have to taste something sweet or rip my fingernails out. Ice cream never has been the monkey on my back.

Deliver Me From Temptation

I just baked macadamia nut thumbprints with apricot jam, lime meltaways and oatmeal cookies with cranberries and toasted coconut. I did not shove them into my mouth by hand fulls, nor did I continuously eat batter during the baking process. It's a small victory, but a victory none the less. So, more for you.

Breakfast:

1 cup cinnamon Chex, dry

3 peanut butter cookies (Mom came home with a bag from a party last night, that she then shoved at me this morning, for my 'coworkers'. I did put them on the break table, but I think I ate more than anyone else)

Lunch:

the award for the strangest combo goes to....tuna sushi rolls, and a cup of chicken chili. Odd, but good.

4 more cookies, dammit

Dinner:

2 tbsp pimento cheese

1/2 serving Reduced Fat Wheat Thins

1 cup butternut squash soup

Treat:

1 cranberry oatmeal cookie

1 lil chunk of dark chocolate, 70% cocoa. mmmmmm.....

2 Vlasik kosher dills

Water:

5 liters

Exercise:

Yeah, about that...

Well, shit. I ate one serving of vegetables, and approximately 17 servings of dessert. On the upside, I suppose, I'm back to drinking so much water I have to pee every time I hear water running, a toilet flushing, my dog peeing, or any time I pour another glass of water.

Back to rolling balls. Of dough. Perverts.