I Hear What You're Spittin'

Yesterday, I was feeling all sad-bastard because I haven't lived alone in five years, and I'm all period-y, and I was feeling kinda lonely, so I ate some sugar-food (as opposed to sugar-alcohol) for the first time in 32 calendar days. It was a heavenly single-serving tub of Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter, a little four-bite deal. I loved every second of it, and you had better believe I licked every ounce of chocolate ice cream juice out of that little hand-held cardboard wonder, but then 30 minutes later, I didn't feel so good.

My stomach was upset until about noon today. I don't think this is a coincidence.

I threw up three times today, trying to eat my homemade chili, and it wasn't because I was nauseous, but because the ice cream had made me lose my appetite for a full 12 hours, I hadn't eaten breakfast, and the tighter-than-normal band wasn't having the super-chunky hearty chili.

It's weird about the throwing up...(sorry if this grosses you out) I have to chew my food so much before I swallow it that I generate more digestive spit than I need to swallow the small bite. This spit then gets in the way of the food passing, and usually I can take a sip of water and kind of clear it through. But--that's a gamble, because a solid 30% of the time, the water can't get through, either, and then I throw up; I don't lose much food at all, that's the crazy bit. Once it's down there, it's down there. I hear having a stomach bug can be particularly brutal, because the Lap-band kind of creates a Point of No Return; that's something they don't tell you pre-op.

The moral of this story: ice cream made me feel nasty after 5 minutes of ecstasy, and if I don't eat breakfast, it's hard to eat lunch. I had a delicious dinner of spicy fish soup at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant, I drank a lot of water all day long, I took a luscious hot shower, and ten minutes ago, I caught myself thinking, "I feel really great." I was standing only 18 inches away from Klondike's sugar-free ice cream bars, and they never even crossed my mind. I think that I am starting to hear my body when she talks to me, and this makes me realize that I have ignored her for a long, long time--water, vegetables, fish, banana...these things make me feel good. Too many roasted-garlic Triscuits, refined sugar, heavy whipping cream, chocolate brownie hunks...these things make me feel (a spasm of delight) a little sluggish and gross.

I know those are very elementary statements, but for me, it was an epiphany of sorts. For the first time, I am paying attention to nutrition instead of just weight loss, and one short month in, I can feel the benefits as well as see them.