I've been writing so much on other projects that I can't seem to muster the energy to write it down, right here, that I am feeling so friggin despondent about weight loss. I've been maintaining for damn near a year now, and I'm tired of it. I work so hard, I do so good, and I haven't seen results, so then I think, "Fuck it, I want cheesecake," and then I eat cheesecake and the self-loathing totally messes up the delicious creaminess and the flaky graham cracker crust.
I have not given up. I will not give up.
I'm back on my daily smoothies, tryin' to take it back to the days immediately following my surgery, or at least the days when I drank a smoothie for breakfast, skipped the coffee and had a small lunch and dinner (if I don't eat something early in the day, I simply CAN'T eat much in the evening). I'm frustrated, but I'm still pushing on.
Something must be working...I had two people whom I regularly see tell me today that I look like I've lost weight. So maybe I have. Maybe my scale is stuck. Maybe I'm adding muscle and subtracting fat, and the muscle is taking up the same amount of weight.
Whatever the case may be, it's hard, but if Ruby can lose 400 lbs., I can certainly kick this last 100. I will. I will, I will, I will.
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